Total Randomness
by Danny-Lynn
Summary: A bunch of Itachi OneShots. Don't flame, okay? Rated 'T' for languages used.
1. 1 AssMook

**Title;** The Total Randomness

**Summary;** A Series of Random OneShots.

**Rated;** 'T', because I wanna play it safe, and there's a bit of cussing. And for Randomness! And the fact...They may be REALLY short...

**AN;** Itachi is young, but his family IS dead, for this chapter anyway. Okay? Okay. ON WITH THE STORY!

**AssMook;**

It was another random day at the Akatsuki base. They were all sitting around, watching a movie, in the middle of the night. Kisame, Pein and Konan were sitting on the couch, Sasori in the chair, Orochimaru and the rest on the floor while Itachi, eleven, sat in Konan's lap, damn near clinging to her because of the scary movie. No one but Konan, and unfortunatel Kisame, had noticed. But Itachi didn't know he had. By the middle of the movie Kisame had something fairly decen planned out.

"I'm gonna go get some drinks. Anyone want anything?" Kisame asked, standing up.

"Dr. Pepper!" Itachi said, looking back a moment.

"Mountain Dew." Konan said as well, patting Itachi's head. No one else replied, so he went off to get the drinks. He spied on them a moment longer, until they were all back into the movie. He slowly started to creep into the room and stood behind Konan. She took note of him, but Itachi was too engrossed in the movie to even notice a little bit.

Three. . .

_He's gonna shit himself._

Two. . .

_Or scream like a sissy._

One. . . . . . . . . . . .

"ROAR!" Itachi went wide eyed, jumped and fell out of Konan's lap, blushing when he heard her giggle at this before sitting up and glaring at Kisame, who was laughing. "Scared ya, didn't I, lil weasel?" Itachi could take being scared shitless, but never, and I mean _ever_ call him a weasel.

"Cum guzzler!" Itachi snapped.

"Huh? You little bastard!" Kisame shot back.

"Shit eater!" Itachi.

"Shit face!" Kisame.

"Dildo!" Itachi.

"Cock sucker!" Kisame.

"You!" Itachi.

"Oh yeah?!" Kisame.

"Yeah!" Itachi.

"Pint sized little freak!" Kisame.

"Assfucking, dildo eating, fucktard!" Itachi.

"Hey! Now now, Itachi. You're only eleven, stop saying such bad wor..."Madara had started to say, having came in from doing Lord knows what.

"Fuck you, assmook!" Itachi snapped, shoving Madara's hand off his head. All eyes rested on Itachi for a moment, all tilting their heads a bit.

"Assmook?" Sasori asked, quirking a brow. It was the first time he had ever heard that, and the fact it came from a _child_ made it all that more amusing.

"Yes, Assmook. Need I spell it for you? A. S. S. M. O. O. K."

He blinked when everyone kept staring at him and shrugged. "It's what Kisame is." He said, turning to walk from the room.

**End;**

So it may not be as funny as I had planned it, but, whatever. When I was talking to XxRavenUchiha666xX, trying to imagine Itachi saying such a thing was...Halirious. So, yesh... LOVES!


	2. 2 The Designated Drinking Night

**Title;** The Total Randomness

**Summary;** A Series of Random OneShots.

**Rated;** 'T', because I wanna play it safe, and there's a bit of cussing. And for Randomness! And the fact...They may be REALLY short...

**AN;** Itachi is...Say, seventeen in this chapter/oneshot.

**The Designated Drinking Night;**

It was Saturday night at the Akatsuki club. Everyone, minus Itachi, was drinking, so naturally, the seventeen-year-old felt left out, but refused to admit it to anyone. Kisame, who was a little tipsy, saw Itachi sitting alone on a bar stool, alone, looking rather bored. He knew the Uchiha Prodigy had to be bored out of his mind, and lonely. Itachi sighed lightly and spun in the chair a bit, blinking when a glass was slid in front of him. He looked over to see Kisame sitting there. It was a soda, so Itachi didn't think anything of it and downed the drink.

When he sat the glass down, a weird after taste came to his mouth and he blinked, looking to Kisame, who just smirked and slid another one in front of him. _Either this kid is a natural, or totally oblivious to the stuff that's in his drink._ Kisame thought. Itachi eyed him a moment longer before taking the glass handed to him. Several mixed drinks later, Itachi was swaying a bit in his seat and everyone was drunk out of their minds. Also, Itachi had a bad case of the hic-ups, but no one seemed to care. He was a light weight.

Deidara was up at the kareoke machine, singing to "I'm Too Sexy", screwing up every other word while Orochimaru was standing in front of a mirror, dancing and stripping to said song. Sasori was a whole nother case. The Pinoccio sound track, which had been bought by Deidara as a gag birthday gift, was playing, and Sasori was dancing with a couple of his puppets to it while Itachi sat and watched, laughing.

Lucky for them, Madara, in his Tobi mode, was sitting back recording the whole thing.

And this is why you don't let the entire Akatsuki base get drunk all together in one night. A few of them have to be able to clean up the mess.

The next morning, Konan was tending to a hung over Itachi, scolding Kisame for spiking his drinks.

**End**

They may not be funny, but here they are. So, have fun, enjoy, and blah blah blah. Loves! REVIEW DAMMIT!


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